Thanksgiving

Good morning Father, I love you.  Thank you for loving me even when I was far away from you. Thank you for Deniz; my bride, my love, my best friend.  Thank you for Jasmine; my better self, my second chance at making better choices.  Thank you for Jenna; my smile, my tenderness. Thank you for Dylan; my innocents, my thoughtfulness. If it were not for these, I would be lost and alone, stranded on an island of despair. Thank you Father for leading me home.

My mind can not comprehend the vastness or intricacies of your creation; what hope can there be of understanding you? I am just a grain of sand on the shore of eternity.  You are infinitely more and yet you call me your child, your friend. What did it cost to bring me near? How much did you sacrifice? How can I ever repay you? Thank you Lord for blessing me and allowing me to know you intimately. Thank you for revealing yourself through Jesus, your word, and your Spirit. Thank you for your promise that one day I will know all of you. 

Thank you Father for your faithfulness. There are times when I lose faith in myself, yet your faith in me is constant. You are omnipotent and never fail, I am fragile and ever failing, yet it is my faith in you which waivers. Thank you for believing in me, for raising me up, for trusting me to care for your loved ones.  I hope you are proud of me and my life reflects your love.   

Marriage

I know the subject of marriage may seem off topic. Most of the people in the homeless community are single. Many were once married and are divorced or widowed. Others, a majority single moms, have never been married. So why talk about marriage? The short answer, God drew my attention to it through conversation, a recent news report, and while reading the Bible.


I am friends with a great couple I will name Aquila and Priscilla. During a conversation this week with Priscilla about marriage I nagged more than I offered wisdom. Aquila and Priscilla are very different from one another, yet compliment each other. They have stood beside each other through several trials and demonstrated deep love in good times and bad. I met Aquila and Priscilla five years ago while they were in their mid-twenties. I knew them before they were together and have witnessed them grow and mature as individuals and as a couple. For the past few years they have lived together; first out of necessity, then out of love. It appears they are in no hurry to be married.  


Aquila and Priscilla are not alone. According to the results of a Pew Report released this week marriage is in decline. In 1960, 68% of all twenty-somethings were married compared to only 26% in 2008. Today, twenty-somethings prefer cohabitation over marriage. 39% of all polled believe marriage is obsolete.


So, what's the deal? Why is the concept of marriage fading? Deniz and I were married our senior year of college. Just like Aquila and Priscilla we loved each other deeply. A chapter in our lives was closing and a new one about to begin. A choice had to be made, travel together or go our separate ways. Marriage was the natural expression of our commitment and willingness to sacrifice for each other. Deniz gave up higher paying more prestigious job opportunities to move to Florida near my parents. I gave up dreams of working for an ad agency in Chicago. We never considered continuing into the next chapter without being married; it was the natural next step. Has the definition of marriage changed over the passed twenty years?  What did God intend marriage to be? Why is it important? Read the scripture below and see how corrupted our culture's current definition of marriage has become.

Ephesians 5:21-33 (New International Version)

Instructions for Christian Households

 ²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
 ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


When I read this scripture this week I gained a new appreciation and understanding of its meaning. I admit while reading this passage in the past with my own cultural bias, I stumbled over the word "submission". Deniz has always been my equal; stronger in areas where I am weak and weaker in areas I am strong. Is God suggesting wives are less than their husbands? No, our understanding of submission and His meaning are much different.


God desires a deep intimate relationship with us. So much so he sacrificed more than we can imagine to close the gap. Jesus submitted to God's will and laid down His life for us, the church. Marriage requires similar acts, calling us to submit to one another and sacrifice our selfish desires. It is an invitation to experience oneness with each other and with God. To lead, a man must be willing to sacrifice his own will for a greater purpose. To submit a woman must sacrifice her will and follow. The deepest human relationship pales in comparison to God's gift of marriage.


What about the singles? Are they less than those who marry? No, Paul says the best choice is to remain single and focus on developing a deeper relationship with God. However, he acknowledges how difficult it is to remain celibate. When our pursuit of love endangers our relationship with God, marriage is the solution. Celibate singles without the desire to marry develop an intimacy with God in a equal but different way.


Words and ideas God gave to us as a pathway to greater understanding of Him and His love have been corrupted by our culture. Marriage, commitment, submission, and sacrifice have become synonymous with enslavement, oppression, weakness and death. We must fight to restore their true meanings. If we fail, marriage will become obsolete, a way to know God will be lost, and many will suffer. 


For Aquila and Priscilla I pray, may they develop a deeper relationship with each other and with God through marriage; through their oneness God would reveal himself to future generations; that love, commitment, submission, and sacrifice would be given new meaning by their example.

While I was writing this morning my bride came to me. She was singing this song. It expresses how powerful the gifts of marriage and family can be and how through these gifts our intimacy with God grows, enjoy.

   ______________

²⁰ “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; ²¹ that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. ²² And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: ²³ I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
²⁴ “Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. ²⁵ O righteous Father! The world has not known You, but I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me. (John 17:20-25, New King James Version)

¹ Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? ^2-6Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. ⁷Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
 ^8-9I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9, The Message)

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1802/decline-marriage-rise-new-families

Love

Everybody can be great.  Because anybody can serve.  You don't have to have a college degree to serve.  You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve.  You only need a heart full of grace.  A soul generated by love.  ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


Deniz sent me this quote from Martin Luther King Jr. a few weeks ago. It captures the heart of Connections. As I began talking to God about our leadership team my mind kept returning to it. What makes a leader in God's eyes?


The world says a leader is powerful, clever, well spoken, attractive, popular, charismatic, shrewd, wealthy and influential. These are not necessarily negative attributes, but are they how God measures a leader? Jesus provides a different standard. He was not physically attractive or influential. He was common without worldly wealth, not the leader the people of his time were expecting. However, he was and is the greatest leader the world will ever know. Jesus' leadership was born through His love for the Father and for us. All other attributes flowed from that single point.


The same week I received the quote from Deniz, I was studying John's letters to the churches of Asia Minor. Through these letters it is clear the early church was grappling with the same question, "who is qualified to lead? There are many who want to lead, and many differing ideas, how do we judge authenticity?"  John directs them to the standard set by Jesus:


¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  1 John 3:16


Jesus led through his willingness to serve and he directs us to do the same. God can provide the gifts and talents needed to succeed, but we must choose to love. Without love all our efforts are fruitless. Through love nothing is impossible.


This week I sat at the table of our first leadership meeting. As I surveyed the room I was pleased. We are diverse; our skin color as broad a spectrum as our ages.  Men serving alongside women.  Each growing in our relationship with God; each still a work in progress.  Our talents and gifts are different but we share one attribute, love. I could not help but smile as I thought, "this is what leadership looks like from God's eyes."


 ^2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
   a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
   nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
   a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
   We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
   our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
   that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
   that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
   Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
   We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
   on him, on him. (Isaiah 53:2-3, The Message)


³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
³⁷ Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40, New King James Version)

 ¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.
 ^8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
 ¹¹When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
 ¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
 ¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13, The Message)

Priorities

I have sat down to write about the importance of setting and keeping priorities several times but have been unable to complete my thoughts. It is because it is an area where I still struggle. Our oldest daughter began college this year. It was easy for me to see she was putting way too many activities on her plate. My best friend does not know how to say "no". His calendar makes you want to laugh, then cry. A young woman I work with strains to hear her calling through the cries of needs surrounding her.

It is easy for me to identify the mistakes of others, much more difficult to recognize my own. I was talking to my mom last weekend (one of my priorities, one I have neglected), she offered the same advice to me I offered my daughter, "stop trying to do so much". I was shocked, part of me who believes I am doing too little. It wars with the need to set and maintain priorities. It reacted to my mother's words with a dismissive, "she doesn't know what she is talking about, you can handle it." I imagine my words to my daughter and friends fall prey to a similar dismissive spirit. What harm is there in having a full plate? Shouldn't we seek a full life? If we are aware of a need and do nothing to fix it, are we shaming God? 

I offer my plate to answer these questions. I work full time for the Homeless Coalition as their outreach worker. I am planting Connections. I am a husband, father of three, and son to parents who just relocated 300 miles to be nearer. I have friends who I enjoy, count on and want to be apart of their lives. I am undecided on selling our home or refinancing. I am responsible for managing the finances of two businesses and our household budget. I am a member of Freedom Church. 

There are plates more full than mine. My first reaction to my list is,"I should be able to manage that load", but I confess, I can not. My priorities are out of balance and it is hindering my efforts and causing damage. It shows in every area of my life. God has given me a great capacity for compassion and it serves me well. As I share His love I witness hope restored and purpose discovered. However, when I become unbalanced sincerity is lost. 

Yesterday I visited inmates in jail. I am allowed to meet with them one on one in a comfortable office setting. I receive and compile a list of fifteen to twenty names each week. As I reviewed the list yesterday I recognized two or three names. When we met I discovered I had visited most of them before. I did not recognize their faces and struggled to remember our previous conversations. They deserve better. Giving the impression of caring without doing the work of caring is wrong. Poor care is a clear sign unbalanced priorities. A crowded plate creates false expectations and inhibits our ability to serve.

The solution is simple but not easy; define your priorities and purpose. What has God called you to do? Does your current schedule reflect your priorities? If not, shape it until it does. Remember, you are part of the whole. God's gift to the world is not you; God's gift to the world is His Church, the Body of Christ. You do not shame God by not answering each need personally. You shame God by attempting to operate outside your purpose, independent from the whole. 

Connections will provide sincere compassionate care, not by the efforts of one, but many. Each member of our launch team will be encouraged to define priorities and purpose. Connections will clearly define our scope. Emerging needs will be brought before the body and new hands will be added when warranted.


 ^14-17Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

 ¹⁸I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, "Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I'll handle the works department."
   Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.  (James 2:14-18, The Message)


¹¹ And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, ¹² for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, ¹³ till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; (Ephesians 4:11-13, New King James Version)

Immeasureable Love

I love my children, they are the best part of me. If not for my children I would have self destructed long ago. Each is unique yet each shares my best characteristics. They are my underserved blessing and my joy. I would gladly give my life to protect them. Nothing is more precious to me than their lives. I would not sacrifice them to save the best person imaginable or millions innocent children. 

Now I consider the sacrifice God has made for me. His sacrifice was greater than I am willing to commit therefore his love for me must be greater; deeper than I can comprehend. The greater the love the greater the sacrifice, leading to a place of unimaginable pain and sorrow. Yet, God was willing to give his only child for my me. 

Who am I? I am far from righteous; I have spent most of my life pursuing pleasure and self gratification. Yet God sacrificed His son for me. Jesus willingly gave his life for the sinner, the scoundrel, the self involved fool. God endured tremendous pain and sorrow for his enemy, those who hate him, see no purpose for him, and deny his existence. He sacrificed His son for you. His love for you is immeasureable. Allow yourself to be loved.

 ^7-10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

 ^11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love! (1 John 4:10-12, The Message)

¹⁶ And when the scribes and Pharisees saw Him eating with the tax collectors and sinners, they said to His disciples, “How is it that He eats and drinks with tax collectors and sinners?”
¹⁷ When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Mark 2:16-17, New King James Version)