Addiction

A friend, a brother, a warrior fell in battle against addiction this week and there are no easy answers. He was created for ministry, created to serve, to reach, to love, but Satan will not relent. I have watched him grow and stride towards God. He has submitted to authority. He has humbled himself and been humbled by circumstance. He knows the way, knows his purpose, yet stumbles and falls backwards. How many times can a man be expected to find his feet, to fight back against self loathing and despair?

Two weeks ago we sat in my office making plans. We knew temptation was waiting around the corner, we prayed for a positive outcome, dreamed of victory. It did not come. God allows the trial to continue, allows the test to continue. If he is to stand beside me in ministry he must be firm, strong, a man of solid integrity. To allow less would bring harm to those God loves. How many times will he be tested Lord, break him free from bondage.

Addiction is not an enemy to be taken lightly. I have felt it's grip and it is only by God's grace and mercy I am free. Knowing the right choice and making the right choice can feel miles away from each other. It may seem simple to those not ensnared by addiction, but as difficult as choosing to sever a limb for those who are suffering. Please pray for my friend, for those I serve; pray for God's mercy, pray He will lend them His strength. Do not close your heart to those suffering with addiction, our enemy seeks to kill and destroy and crafts weapons against us all. Addiction is idolatry and destroys our relationship with God. God must remain our top priority if we are to get out of this life alive. 

Examine your heart, what are you placing before God? Consider the "Rich Young Man" from Mark chapter 10. He knew the way but was unable to follow because he loved something more than God. Jesus understood the snares and sacrificed Himself to free us. Thank God for His mercy and grace.                                                                       

 
¹⁷ Now as He was going out on the road, one came running, knelt before Him, and asked Him, “Good Teacher, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?”  
¹⁸ So Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. ¹⁹ You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not bear false witness,’ ‘Do not defraud,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother.’”
²⁰ And he answered and said to Him, “Teacher, all these things I have kept from my youth.”  
²¹ Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me.”  
²² But he was sad at this word, and went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. 
²³ Then Jesus looked around and said to His disciples, “How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God!” ²⁴ And the disciples were astonished at His words. But Jesus answered again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is for those who trust in riches to enter the kingdom of God! ²⁵ It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”  
²⁶ And they were greatly astonished, saying among themselves, “Who then can be saved?”  
(Mark 10:17-26, New King James Version)

 ^17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
 ^21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
 ²⁴I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
 ²⁵The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.  (Romans 7:17-25, The Message)

Pride

It has been a challenging week. I hesitate to say I welcome challenges but there are often lessons to be learned through them. This week, a border dispute with our neighbors reached crisis level. Our next neighbor passed away shortly after we moved to Tallahassee. We settled into our home, purchased two horses and I installed a electric fence. Eight years later the children of our neighbor have sold the property and their survey showed the fence on their side of the border.

I am a handy guy but I have been known to get things wrong on occasion. I don't get too many opportunities to install an 800 ft. fence line, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility their surveyor was correct. However, they failed to mark the property line so it was impossible for me to see the mistake or make a correction. When the neighbors asked if I would move the fence I told them I would be happy to make the correction if necessary, but I would need the line marked. After several phone calls things seemed to be settled, until another family member called and screamed at Deniz, threatening to call the sheriff if we did not move the fence immediately.

Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed and the property line was marked. I chose not to contest  and headed home Monday night to move the fence. I assumed I would have to move six, maybe twelve fence posts. When I discovered I would have to move twenty-five to thirty and  was over by more than a foot, I was embarrassed and overwhelmed. As I began systematically readjusting the fence line I realized the enormity of the project. I called Deniz and encouraged her to come home. I also rallied our nine-year-old and twelve-year-old to the cause.

Deniz broadcast the need to our friends and ask Jasmine to do the same. When I learned what she had done I was agitated and my frustration grew. When Deniz called my Dad I intercepted the call and told my him I had everything under control. I asked Deniz to call our friends and tell them the same, but God had a different plan.

Waiting patiently at the end of our driveway was the white pick-up of Steven Fielder. Steven approached the fence, asked where he should start and without another word set to work. "Ok sweetheart, I think we've got this, call Randy and let him know he doesn't need to come." Another truck pulled into the driveway, Randy. He stepped from his truck shovel in hand and headed to the posts beyond Steven. Within an hour Steven and Randy had removed every post from our neighbors property and had begun driving them back into the ground on the proper side of the line. The overwhelming job of moving 400 feet of fence in one evening was accomplished in three hours. I thanked Steven and Randy and asked Dad to help me finish replacing the posts Tuesday.

Why was I agitated by Deniz's calls? Why am I hesitant to ask for help? I humbly serve hundreds. I desire extend God's grace, mercy and love to everyone I meet. Can pride still be causing me to stumble? Yes. Years ago a friend accused me of not allowing others to love me as I love them; guilty. Although I make a conscious effort address this weakness, I still stumble. Monday, though I was desperate for help I did not want to accept it. Perhaps it was because I was embarrassed by my blunder or maybe simply unwilling to accept help. Whatever the motive, it was my foolish pride which threatened to stand in the way of God's plan.


Fortunately, God subdued my pride and blessed me in spite of myself. I was freed from my foolishness as soon as the guys started to dig. I immediately felt bonds of friendship strengthen and new ones begin to form. I witnessed God ministering to my friends and validate their purpose. My joy was restored through a simple act of kindness. Thank God he pushed through my stubborn pride. I pray for the strength to accept help in the future and to allow God's hand of blessing to move freely. Forgive me Father.


Rev. Larry Perry observes, "God often leads me through a trial before those I serve are led through a similar trial. You can not lead others where you have not been." I have lived this truth many times. There was a lesson for me to learn Monday. Foolish pride, hampers relationships. Connections will only have a voice in the homeless community if pride is subdued. It is not easy for anyone to ask for help; to admit they have screwed up; to show weakness. Connections, through God, will care and rescue people in need. However, if we demonstrate an unwillingness to be cared for and rescued ourselves, the community will know we are hypocrites. Relationships will be hampered and blessings lost.


 ²³  A man’s pride will bring him low,  
      But the humble in spirit will retain honor.
       (Proverbs 29:23, New King James Version)


¹⁰ Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. (James 4:10, New King James Version)


¹⁶ Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.  
(Romans 12:16, New King James Version)


 ¹² Pride first, then the crash,
   but humility is precursor to honor.  (Proverbs 18:12, The Message)


 ^9-10 It's better to have a partner than go it alone.
   Share the work, share the wealth.
   And if one falls down, the other helps,
   But if there's no one to help, tough!

 ¹¹ Two in a bed warm each other.
   Alone, you shiver all night.

 ¹² By yourself you're unprotected.
   With a friend you can face the worst.
   Can you round up a third?
   A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.  (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, The Message)

  

The Still Small Voice

Where is the God of the Old Testament? Why do we not see his hand move as it once did? We are His hands and we are not moving. We have become too dull and distracted to hear his commands. God has not abandoned us, we have stopped listening.


My schedule is as busy as yours. The numbers and needs of those I serve are increasing but the financial and human resources are not. The Big Bend Homeless Coalition like many organizations is attempting to do more with less. Busyness threatens to consume my days and leaves little room for unscheduled activity. However, God is encouraging me to become more sensitive to His will and direction.


I woke Wednesday feeling our momentum towards the launch of Connections had slowed. It had been a few weeks since we had heard anything about our prospective property and the trail was growing cold. It was more difficult to pray that morning; it would have been easier to throw myself into work and busyness, but I pushed myself to open my prayer journal. I told God about my worries and fears and He repeated His common theme for this season, "Trust me, place your confidence in me." I laid my worries and fears down and asked God to help me become more sensitive to His will. The day unfolded in an unexpected way.


Deniz has a new office and she was allowed to order a new desk. When the desk arrived it was in pieces and she was expected to put it together. I was a bit slow to offer my help because I am so busy, but God had recently opened a few hours on Wednesday afternoons, so I volunteered for the job. However, as the time approached there was still a long list of folks wanting to see me. Reasons not to make the trip across town mounted: Deniz had a afternoon meeting, it would take me a half hour to get there, construction would take too long, it would be easier to do on Saturday, and I have lots of work to do. God said, "Go".


I went, not in the greatest of moods, but I went. I had to apologize to a few folks my walk-ins were over and ask them to return tomorrow or meet me across town in a few hours. One woman threw up her hands in disgust and walked out. As I approached Deniz's office my spirit began to lift and I found peace. My bride of twenty-one years gushed with excitement. She escorted me around the office and showed me off. It was completely unexpected, but really amazing. Deniz's eyes sparkled with joy and I felt her love and adoration. It was worth the trip, and a sign I was in God's will.


We ate lunch quickly and began assembling the main part of the desk. As 2:30 approached we knew we were not going to complete the entire desk. Deniz was pleased at what we had accomplished and gave me an opportunity to leave. I chose to stay. The second piece was a smaller version of the first. I decided I could easily assemble it and still make my afternoon appointment. With a mischievous smile Deniz produced a third smaller box labelled drawer, "this goes with it too!" My schedule was being challenged, but my heart wanted to finish the desk.


Deniz left for her meeting and I was left on my own. I marveled at how quiet and professional Deniz's office was compared to mine. It reminded me of visiting my Dad's office as a kid, I was hanging with the grown-ups. I finished the second piece of the desk on schedule and it was nearing time to leave. A quick trip to the restroom to clean up and I could be back across town with a few minutes to spare. God said, "stay".


I stayed, against my own sense of timing and schedule, I chose to obey. I returned from the restroom and began working on the drawer. The construction of the drawer was more complicated than the two larger pieces and required more time than either. Deniz's meeting finished as I was nearing completion. I looked up to see a woman standing in the doorway. She introduced herself as Susan (Deniz's boss). She thanked me for putting the desk together, told me how much she appreciated Deniz, and how excited she was about Connections. We shared our concerns for the impoverished and I learned about her work as a Parish Nurse on the weekends. It was a brief but enjoyable conversation.


Deniz returned as I was putting the final touches on the drawer. She was thrilled I had finished it. I gathered my tools and she escorted me downstairs. I met Ralph, a member of Deniz's bible study in the lobby and headed for my 4:00 appointment. I called ahead to let them know I would be a few minutes late, it turned out they were running behind too.


Deniz called me very excited around 7:30. I was heading home down a country road where cell phone coverage is very spotty. She said Susan told her she knew of someone new to the Department of Health who came from the Department of Juvenile Justice (the Department which owns our building). It was hard for me to hear, Deniz said something about a secretary. I thought, "Great! It is often the secretaries and administrative assistance who know how to get things done".


After dinner, Deniz sat down at the computer to draft an email to our new contact. She was wondering how formal the tone of the email should be. I was puzzled. She then explained our new contact was not a former secretary at DJJ but a Deputy Secretary, one person away from the Governor. Glory to God, a new door opened.


How many days have I missed God's voice; his subtle, seemingly meaningless directions. How many times have I missed opportunity because of my busyness. Wednesday, God illustrated the importance of being sensitive to his will. I misunderstood his desire to bless my marriage and create a new opportunity for Connections as a simple trip across town to build a desk. When I surrendered my schedule and chose to obey His subtle commands he accomplished the unimaginable.


Thursday morning I rummaged through my drawer to find one of my last business cards. As I turned it over to make a note for a client there were three Psalms listed on the back. Psalm 37 was one of them. I didn't take much notice and scribbled the note below, hoping the Psalms might have meaning for the client. Friday morning as I opened my prayer journal a piece of paper dropped to the desk. I opened it and found Psalm 37 printed upon it. Through His word, God repeated His common theme for this season.

Psalm 37:5-8 (New International Version)

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

  
¹¹ Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; ¹² and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.  
¹³ So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  
(1 Kings 19:11-13, New King James Version)

Boldness

Every Sunday Pastor Perry closes service by saying, "love one another... BOLDLY." The congregation joins in on the the "BOLDLY" and we depart with a smile. In an early blog we talked about the church as "The Body of Christ" and the need for each of us to discover and perform our purpose in concert with each other. I consider myself part of the hand reaching out to those God loves. It is very poetic; it has inspired awesome song lyrics, but is the church, am I, operating at the level God desires?


Gary Haugen, founder of International Justice Mission, challenged our Sunday class in a video series called "Becoming the Good Samaritan".  Gary spoke of the injustice he witnessed in Rwanda in 1994. Eight hundred thousand (800,00) people were murdered in less than one hundred (100) days.  He reminded us God is a God of justice; each of the 800,000 born in Rwanda were born with a purpose, just like you, and it was stolen from them.  God has one plan to answer injustice. His plan is us, His Church.  We have a responsibility.


During prayer on Wednesday God reminded me of Gary's words, "you are the plan." God desires to answer prayer through me. I think of God moving in grand ways, like parting the Red Sea or providing food for Israel in the wilderness. God's plan is even greater. He desires to reach every corner of the world through His people. If we fail to act, prayers will go unanswered.


If you are anything like me you may be tempted to whine and complain about this tremendous burden of responsibility.  My prayer (whine) goes something like, "but you are so big and I am so small, how can I ever accomplish anything?"  God invites partnership. He offers his strength to be our strength, His capacity for compassion to be our capacity. He desires for us to be one with Him.


I have a wonderful vision of the church.  Our praise and worship on Sunday morning is the catalyst for a tremendous explosion which sends shock waves throughout our community.  The Holy Spirit washes over the hurting, the angry, the abandoned, and the dying in waves.  Lives are changed in an instant as God reveals Himself.


When I first began seeking a church in Tallahassee I saw a sign in the drive as I was leaving a small country church. It read, "you are now entering the mission field".  I though it was unique. I was impressed by the boldness of such a small congregation.  I then began to see similar signs as left other churches. I was inspired by the sense of mission. Freedom Church has a sign in the drive as well, but haven't noticed it in years. I wonder how many others fail to see the sign?


The explosion in my vision is us, the Body of Christ.  The mission field signs are a reminder of our purpose.  We are God's answer to the prayers of our community.  Before complaining about the nature of our world and the rising tide immorality we need to look closer at ourselves.  Are we bold enough?  


I've watched bomb disposal units on television.  They often choose to enclose the bomb in a reinforced container and intentionally detonate it.  The bomb which had the potential of unleashing a powerful explosion lets out a muffled thump and a little smoke.  If we invite God into our services on Sunday yet fail to allow God to love through us, church becomes nothing more than a muffled thump and some smoke. Connections will choose to rise to our potential.  We will refuse to muffle the power Holy Spirit.  God will impact our community through our boldness.


 ^20-23I'm praying not only for them
   But also for those who will believe in me
   Because of them and their witness about me.
   The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
   Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
   So they might be one heart and mind with us.
   Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
   The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
   So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
   I in them and you in me.
   Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
   And give the godless world evidence
   That you've sent me and loved them
   In the same way you've loved me.  (John 17:20-22, The Message)